I often observe people interact with each other, and more often than not, I see that one person dominates the conversation, while the other person or group of persons look on, and even when they try to say something, they are overshadowed by the more dominating personality.

In a conversation, everyone has to have an equal chance at saying what they want, and this is one of the most flaunted rules in conversation etiquette, according to my observations.

Often, we fail to recognize these faults in our own interactions, perhaps because they are so habitual that they are no longer noticeable, but if you wish to correct your mistakes, or simply improve your conversational skills, here are some tips for you:

• Do you ever ‘listen’ to what the other person is trying to say, or do you always talk and talk, and never bother to listen to what is being said? If so, then you are making one of the most common conversation mistakes, something which can bring a standstill to what is being discussed.
• A person can talk too much; be a blabber mouth. If you are one such person, stay warned that people around you will tune you out the minute you start hogging the conversation, talking out of balance and never giving another person a chance to get in something edgewise.
• Beware of the ‘me-too’ syndrome. Suppose your friend starts talking about his dinner party, you immediately seize upon the chance to talk on the same topic, and tell him about your dinner party experience. This can be childishly irritating behavior, and intensely frustrating to the person who has initiated the conversation. This friend will definitely avoid you the next time!
• Similarly, you must be careful when you offer unsolicited advice, even when you are sure that your friend may need it. This can be a grave conversation mistake, and can put off the person you are talking to. He too will probably avoid you next time!
• Some people interrupt ongoing conversations rather rudely to offer their own suggestions. This can be extremely irritating, and obtrusive behavior.
• There are some people who only receive; they do not give anything at all to the ongoing conversation. If you are one of these types, remember, your behavior can be quite off-putting to those with you. It creates an imbalance if one person does not say anything, and appears to be completely involved in his own personal thoughts. Why enter the conversation then?

Apart from these conversation mistakes, there are some others that you can easily avoid, if only someone had thought of telling you about them.

Never ask too many questions; you may make it seem, even if inadvertently, like you are interrogating the other person.

Likewise, be prepared, and be well versed with all the latest news and happenings. In a tight situation, when you find that you have run out of things to say, you can always bring in the latest events and start an interesting discussion about them.

Be careful of your body language too; this can easily become a conversation breaker in any situation.

Speak clearly and legibly, and don’t speak too fast, even if you are excited about the conversation.

Never ever speak in a monotone; you will sound much too boring, and people will simply tune you out. Would you listen to a monotonous delivery of a monologue, or would you listen to a monologue delivered with feeling? The others may find you difficult to understand, and you may be putting them off.

If you are talking to a group of strangers, avoid personal topics, like for example your bad breath, or body odor. After all, why would a stranger care about whether you have body odor or not?

In the same way, be aware of your surroundings, and pay attention to your listeners’ body language. Is anyone paying attention to you as you prattle non-stop about your new beach home, or is everyone looking the other way, bored to tears? If you find this happening, stop immediately, change the topic.

As Dale Carnegie put it, “You can make more friends in two months by becoming really interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you, which is just another way of saying that the way to make a friend is to be one.”

Show genuine interest in the other person and what he has to say, and there you are, on your way to being an excellent conversationalist.

The other day, there was a ruckus in the office, with one colleague shouting, no, screaming at the other, while the rest of us looked on or looked away in frank embarrassment, and apprehension.

This was when our Manager walked in. He appeared unruffled, and retained his cool through the episode, and although he did not take sides or argue for one against the other, he still managed to resolve the conflict peacefully, and restored peace. The two colleagues are almost friends today.

How did this happen? How is it that some people are capable of solving conflicts within minutes, and peacefully at that, while some others helplessly join in the fray and shout and scream like the others?

Here are some tried and tested tips offered by experts, on how exactly to handle a conflict so that peace is restored.

• Stay calm, no matter what the situation is, and let the storm run its course. Quite often, the angry person is trying to provoke you, and if you don’t react, the entire thing will fizzle out in a short while.
• Most of the time, the other person wants attention, and someone to listen to him. Lend him your ears, and let him talk; he will soon grow tired of it and stop.
• Try, if you possibly can, to put yourself in the other person’s shoes: it will automatically make you understand his feelings, and why he is saying, what he is saying.

Now, let us consider kids. Sibling rivalry is as common as breathing or sneezing, and all kids will fight, the rivalry having been caused by natural competitiveness between the siblings.

Mindless arguments, put downs, noisy quarrels, and physical and verbal abuse are all part and parcel of conflict at home between siblings, and as conscientious parents, we must learn to help our kids focus on the problem at hand, and not on their sibling.

Here too, a parent can resolve conflict by using certain recommended strategies:

• Listen to both sides of the story.
• Do not make judgmental decisions; make sure you address the issue and not the child. Never respond automatically to your child carrying tales; you will only add to the existing conflict, and not help in any way to resolve it.
• Make sure the child gets to cool off before you sit down with him to sort out the conflict; this will give everyone a clear perspective on things.
• Focus on the relationship rather than on the conflict.

The most important thing in resolving conflict is to make sure that you follow what you preach, at home and outside. Try to be a role model yourself, so that everyone around you can watch you and learn from you.

The number one issue voiced by most couples is “we have trouble communicating.” It’s a common complaint.

And many couples think they would benefit from communication training.

Many seem to think if they could better express themselves or if their spouse would only listen and understand what they mean then things in the marriage would dramatically improve.

While the thought may be genuine and the results of actually implementing some of these techniques may improve the marriage a bit, the improvements won’t be lasting.

When you get right down to it, communication in marriage is not about being understood by each other, communication[Communication skills] is about handling what another person thinks and feels.

You see, married couples don’t have trouble communicating. They communicate all too well. In a committed relationship, you cannot not communicate (pardon the double negative).

Communication problems happen because you don’t like what the other person has to say.

For instance, you may want your spouse to be more emotionally open and share their feelings, but you interrupt them when they say things you find unpleasant or disagree with (in your view, you may just want to keep the conversation “accurate”). You want a more expressive spouse, but want to control what they express.

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Every one experiences tough times at different times of their lives. Facing them with a positive attitude, though not always easy helps you get back on track towards success.

The best way to keep a positive attitude during tough times is to realize that they don’t last forever.

However, implementing them is not always so easy. To make the problem easier to surmount for you, here are a few steps that will help you develop positive attitude in the face of adversity:

1. Stay calm

A natural reaction to tough situations in your professional or personal life is to feel scared, angry or nervous. The first step is to acknowledge the feelings and realize that they won’t help you in any way. Giving in to emotion also makes you less capable. Try not to let such discouraging overwhelm you. Instead, try to remain calm in order to let your mind work efficiently and constructively.

2. Smile often

This is the best way to get rid of worries from your life. Even if you don’t feel like smiling, start by smiling at yourself in the mirror. Ensure that you don’t do it in a pessimistic or sarcastic way. Or watch a funny movie or hang out with someone with whom you can be silly.

3. Put your thoughts on paper

Many people hold their depression and anger deep inside, because they are too afraid to share their innermost feelings with others. You need to realize that keeping your feelings to yourself can hurt you too deeply and make you feel bad about yourself. If you feel you don’t want to share your feelings or thoughts with anybody, try to write them down.

4. Eliminate anger

Anger is the root of most negative thoughts. Try to release your anger and sow seeds to grow a positive attitude about yourself. Find an anger management technique that really works for you.

5. Get a makeover

If you look good, you tend to feel good too. Try to get a makeover or put on your best outfit. You’ll be surprised how a change in your wardrobe and your outward appearance can develop a positive attitude about yourself.

6. Avoid stress

Avoid walking blindly into a situation that cause you stress. Try to stay away from stressful situations at all costs. By eliminating or reducing stress in your life, a positive attitude is easier to attain.

Though it takes time to develop positive attitude, once you get the hang of it, you will encounter unexpected miracles.

Sometimes work can be a drag. You get caught up in trying to be more productive and suddenly your life turns into a series of to-do lists.

You gauge your measure of success by how much you accomplish. You even determine how happy you allow yourself to be by how much you’ve gotten done in the day.

Suddenly work feels like a chore. You don’t enjoy the work, you just to do it so it can be over with.

Then you can feel good, right? But wait, there’s that thing you forgot about. You still need to do that. And oh yeah, there’s that other thing you haven’t done yet.

Congratulations, you are a walking to-do list.

But work doesn’t have to be like that. The point of work shouldn’t be just to finish. The point of work should be the work itself. That’s the way it’s supposed to be anyway.

We spend a lot of time trying to find ways to be more productive. To do things faster, better, cheaper and spend our time more effectively. But instead of just doing more in less time, maybe we should focus on actually enjoying the work we’re doing instead.

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